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The Room Episode 3
Sam is still tucked in bed although his mouth is free. Jack- And that's how I learned to tell the difference between Lesbians and Photocopiers. Conor- What an engaging tale of heroism, courage and photocopiers. Sam- Hey guys, how about discussing politics? Jack and Conor both groan. Jack- No fucking way. Sam- Why not? Jack- No one ever manages to persuade any of the others. Everyone then get's pissed off and has to avoid each other for weeks. Remember last time we did it? We were all facing a different corner beating our faces into the walls. Sam- Considering I've been in this bed for the last five months, I can't actually recollect that. It doesn't help that you won't even let me out to go the toilet and I'm stewing in several month's worths of my own shit. Conor- It's better than having you out here... with your... wandering hands... Jack- It is beginning to smell a bit. Conor- No! We discussed this! Sam- Yeah, anyway, how about it? Jack- I dunno... Conor- May as well. It's that or we act out Pride and Prejudice again. Jack- God no, Wallace keeps biting me whenever I try and exalt her beliefs regarding the purpose of feminine culture. Pack of Cards- Serves you right ya bender. Jack- Shut up Wallace. Sam- I'll start it off then. Left or Right wing? Jack- I'm more of a centre. Sam- What about you Conor? Conor- FREE THE WORKERS FROM THE SHACKLES OF CAPITALIST OPPRESSION! There is a pause. Conor- Yeah, same as Jack. You know, moderate. Jack- I take it your a member of the Gay and Lesbian alliance? Sam- Actually I am a strong believer in the virtues of democracy, unrestricted trade and freedom of speech. Jack- Really? Sam- Yes. Jack- Really? Sam- YES! Jack- Really? Sam- You're the reason Obama got into power. Jack- What's wrong with Obama! Sam- I just kind of feel he's overrated. Jack- But.... but he's black! Sam- Well... yeah... but as a president he's pretty mediocre. Jack- But... he's black! Sam- That doesn't mean he's above criticism. Jack- Of course it does! Sam- You're insane. Jack- Great, we have a racist in our midst. Sam- I'm not a racist, I just think Obama has been pretty average. Jack- You disgust me. Conor- He's better than David Cameron. Sam- No, he's trying to work without the shambles of a country he received from the previous, Labour government. Gordon Brown sold gold reserves at record lows, paid billions to people who could easily have gone to work, leading to a generation of work-shy people who can never truly move beyond their starting position in society. Conor- He's a dick. Sam- So you can criticise David Cameron but you can't even talk about Obama. Why? Jack- Well. David Cameron's white. Sam- So if you have a go at David Cameron you're a satirical genius and if you're rude about Obama your a racist. Jack- Pretty much. Sam- Life makes much more sense now. Things haven't been this clear since I recovered from a orgy involving the entire Welsh rugby team. It begins to fade. Conor- I feel this episode has been somewhat deeper than the others. Jack- Don't worry, we'll be back to talking about rimming next week. Conor- Thank god.